Do you have Facebook account?
Me: No I don’t
Oh my God! You don’t have Facebook account!!!
Exclaimed my friend as if I am technologically backward. That’s when I went and created Facebook account which is like almost a decade ago. In the beginning Facebook was fun. I connected to many people whom I was out of touch. Friends from my primary school, high school, college etc. I was happy to get in touch with them again. Some had grown unrecognizable. I wondered how much they had changed in these years!!
Slowly Facebook sent a prompt for some game. I just played one or two games of Bejeweled. Everyday I played a little bit. I had just moved to America quitting my job, so had ample time. To kill time I played. This became a habit and then very soon I was addicted. I would sit and play for hours together. It totally wasted my time. I could have done so many fruitful things but there I was playing incessantly. I would even forget to have breakfast or take bath!!
Slowly I realized that some people just live on FB. Whether they sit, stand, laugh, fart they post on FB. I didn’t deserve to know all those information. Since checking FB everyday became addictive, whether I want or not I had to digest those unwanted posts by friends.
Then there were some friends who would ‘Like’ everybody else’s post except mine. Those who were once upon a time very close to me!!! It was my initial days on FB and I was slightly obsessed with how many Likes I would get. This would upset me. Needlessly I would worry on silly things!! I would spend hours together thinking why they didn’t ‘Like’ my post!!
Every morning I woke up, the first thing I would do even before coffee was to check FB on phone. Some posts would upset me. It is a breeding ground for political discussion. Certain news feed would spoil my day even before it started.
It is also an open platform for bullying. A group of people can discuss together and can target one person and post offensive pictures and posts or can have a sarcastic long discussions which is very unhealthy.
Then I started looking for job and I realized instead of preparing for interviews I was studying FB. That’s when for the first time I deactivated FB. No, I didn’t delete because I was addicted to it so much.
Then slowly life happened and depression sucked me in. When all is well in life, to have FB is not so bad, it’s a nice platform to get connected with friends and stay in touch. But when my life was fucked up, Facebook became intolerable. Everyday people would share their photos of their happiest times, of their recent vacation to dream country like Switzerland, some people would celebrate their birthday and other life events. Frankly speaking this bothered me. I felt like among my friends group I am the only one suffering, that I am the only one whose life got fucked up. They say you should not compare life with others – easier said than done.
Life went on. I couldn’t have a baby. I yearned for one. And everyday some or the other posts like – blessed with a baby girl, bundle of joy arrived, celebrating son’s first birthday, my daughter spoke her first words, my son pooped….. kind of posts bothered me. I became all the more depressed.
I thought I have had it. I clicked delete button. Now, I am not on any social media. This blog is the only space I have on internet. I hope I don’t have to delete this someday because I have deleted my other blogs before.